


One day of forevers, darò la mia vita a te.

by Chumly



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Connor is on a vacation, Fluff, Getting Together, Italy, Jesolo - Italy, M/M, Pretend Date, Sea, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Summer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-01 19:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20377933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chumly/pseuds/Chumly
Summary: A summer vacation in Italy sounds pretty amazing for most, but two particular men hold a very different opinion. Until fate or the Universe itself decides to stick them together. Will their relationship be able to get pass that one day?





	1. Cold waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and I naively thought this could be a one-shot.  
inspired by my trip to Jesolo and Venice.  
enjoy

Why on earth did he think this would be a good idea. Connor couldn’t stand it anymore. His dead-end job, the lack of motivation, the flood of nothingness constantly drowning him and mostly – the lively throng of people passing him by, as if he was invisible. Chatting, smiling, holding hands… living. He started thinking how he wanted to stop. If he didn’t take another breath, would anything change? For him, the entire world would cease to exist, yet it wouldn’t even fully register his disappearance. His family had distanced themselves since his younger brother had died. The only true friend he ever had. Maybe he would be able to meet him again, if he just closed his eyes forever. Point was no one was going to miss him. He didn’t like his dull co-workers and his social life left much to be desired. Meaning he had no one. He looked at his phone, realizing it was still pretty early in the morning. He had the whole lonely day of self-contemplating ahead of him.

A little toddler girl with pigtails halted and studied the sad man on the roadside with her wide blue eyes. She couldn’t possibly understand a single thing about his situation, still, Connor wanted to see a smidgen of sympathy in those innocent eyes, a bit of comfort. Before he was able to though, she was pulled away by the hurrying adults, leaving him with nothing at all.

It was really stupid, being at such a popular vacation spot and spending the time there with another fruitless self-reflection resolving in endless moping about. He had some reasons to come here. First, the trip was exceptionally cheap. Second, he always wanted to start travelling, to do something he wasn’t as comfortable with, to change a thing or two in his life. To give himself another chance. Maybe he would be brave enough to meet new people, to create new memories that would be worthwhile. He should have known better. Perhaps he was too far gone to alter anything in his life. But there was something about this place. The Italian people seemed warm and friendly,… well expect that one lady who had almost thrown him out of a store when he waved a hundred euro bill in front of her. Or maybe it was his imagination, he couldn’t speak the language after all. One spiffy young lad had smiled at him and Connor thinks he complimented him, but he couldn’t be sure with the guy’s broken English. It helped a little, but soon it was gone. The person and the feeling of meaning something. The sea was also nice. The weather decided to hide the Sun behind the sombre clouds and lower the temperature to the point he was considering wearing a sweater, so he wasn’t throwing himself in it, but it was still summer and the Sun might still show its flaming head to them if it so pleases. The good thing about this was that not so many people were on the beaches, making the experience a lot more bearable and tranquil. The sand sticking to his feet, the cold waves washing over them, he loved these sensations. The wind that ruffled his hair, providing the smallest amount of comfort, enveloped him with the smell of the sea, salty and so close, so perfectly natural and real. He had always admired it, how seemingly infinite it is. Compared to it, he was just a tiny meaningless speck buried among billions others. It was there before he had been born, it would exist long after he’s dead. _Consoling._

When he had walked through the promenade full of cheerful vacationers and busy natives that were wielding banners screaming how out of place he was, how alone he was compared to them, he couldn’t handle it anymore. All strength had abandoned him and he had sat his body on the nearest bench. _Regretting_. Why did he think this was a good idea again? A different place, same old ache.

He often lost himself looking at the sky, talking with it, making wishes. “I wish not to be alone anymore.” Casting a wish to the universe was a dangerous thing, since the universe always listened. 

He was here now, no matter what he felt. Better make something out of it, since he had payed the hard-earned money for it and all. Something called him towards the sea again and he couldn’t refuse the call. It was the most beautiful thing out there after all. And so he hauled his heavy body to the walkway lining the sea shore, trying not to show distress as not to ruin anyone else’s time, failing miserably. Right when another destructive thought threatened to enter his mind, he saw something,… someone. Looking at him. Not with a pity or annoyance, but with a sheer curiosity. And Connor looked back. _Astonished._ Even more so when the stranger offered him a smile, layered with sadness and understanding, the sincerest one he saw in the longest time. Or maybe he just pictured it that way. But something told him that he didn’t, because the man started talking to him. In Italian. He never wished to speak the language more than now.

~~~

It was the hardest day of his life. He didn’t see himself coming there anytime soon, not after what had happened the last time. But he couldn’t say no, not when it concerned his own father, who was to be buried in one day. He used to be quite close to him when he was a child. Always being teased by him, passing it on to his younger sister who acted like she hated him but he was sure that she secretly loved him the same as he loved her. How he longed to return back to those carefree days spent playing by the sea in the sun. He liked living there but couldn’t stay. When it was time to choose his citizenship, it was clear to him that his happiness was waiting for him overseas, in the great United States, his and his father’s birthplace. How naïve he had been back then. He had his job as a detective and that was the only stable thing in his life. Coming to terms with his sexuality and having a steady relationship had been weighing him down. He didn’t even succeed in the ‘relationship’ part. Short lived hook-ups was the most affection he had gotten back there in Detroit. Well that and the constant nagging of his fellow policeman and best friend Tina, who had begged him to take her with him. But he couldn’t. This was a strictly family matter and he had to deal with it on his own. He had promised her that he would take care of himself, a promise that he had the urge to break as he was driving from the airport to his mother’s home town, Jesolo. He wanted to swerve his car of the road and join his father in the world beyond the stars. He had tried to distract himself with various other painful memories during his flight there, but when he had landed everything became very real to him. His father was dead and he wasn’t there to bid him goodbye. He wasn’t there when he was suffering through his last agonizing day stuck in the hospital bed. He just wasn’t there for him and that was something he would never be able to forgive himself. His mother and sister were sure to remind it to him. They were the one the had to deal with everything when he had been carelessly living his own life, too far away from all the ache. But it was getting closer and closer now and there was no escape anymore. He had to face the reality and with it his broken family, its surviving members most definitely not being too fond of him right now. He missed him, he missed his father more than anything right now. How he wished to hear his raspy voice or see his goofy smile. He knew crying and driving wasn’t the smartest combination but there was no way of stopping the tears now.

“How very nice of you to show your ugly mug, Gavin dear.” He knew the meaning of the phrase “Italian household”, he had the privilege to experience it first-hand countless of times after all. But today was different. Something crucial was missing. A person providing balance to this whole screaming and yelling was gone for good, making his presence even more unbearable than usually. He tried to placate his mother, tried to find sympathy in his sister, but it had been so impossibly difficult he had no choice but to give up. Couldn’t stay in that house, too seeping with pain, too raw. He had anticipated this scenario, so was somewhat relieved when he arrived into his hotel room he had booked for this sole reason. Tomorrow would be the day he’d see his pops for the last time. He didn’t want for it to come, he couldn’t wait for it to be over. This night too he couldn’t sleep a wink.

Gavin thought that after it was all done and finished, they would become a family again. But it seemed that with his father in the ground so was the entire concept of that. No one really spoke to one another and if they did, it was with harsh coldness and accusing words. Everyone was blaming someone for one thing or another. He couldn’t stand it. Some more loud words later and he was back in his empty hotel room, alone with his vivid memories of happier times long gone. He couldn’t return home, not yet. Something was keeping him there, maybe a need to make things right with the rest of his family or the want to relive his time with his father there, to remember all that was carved to this town where he had hidden his childhood. Time to rediscover it again. And so he had spent days just roaming through the streets and recalling all the precious things he and his late father did there. The street when he had broken a leg and his father carried him home in his arm was now almost unrecognizable to him, the aquarium they loved visiting all rebuilt and renovated, their favourite restaurant nowhere to be found. Time had overtaken him. There was nothing left of his father now.

It lasted for a while when he just couldn’t carry the weight of it anymore. He wanted to ask his father for forgiveness, he needed to repent. So he ended up in the exact church the funeral had been held. And that was the only place he saw him at. A transparent apparition of the past. Standing by the wooden pews, looking straight at him. Nodding his head in approval. As if he was saying “I’m proud of you, son.” Gavin could almost hear it, coming from all around of him. From inside of him. He felt his father near and he knew he wasn’t mad or blaming him for anything. He was simply glad for the time they got together, the whole family.

He understood the suffering his mother and sister were going through and decided to give them some time to recover. Maybe next year they could try again.

His flight wasn’t leaving for another three days, forcing him to make some plans as he was done agonizing. Maybe he could pretend that he was on a nice European vacation and try to enjoy the town in a different style. And then he could perhaps visit Venice too, since it was so close. It would be nice coming back there again, he loved getting lost in the labyrinth of quaint narrow streets in the city that looked like it was cropped straight from a fairy tale. Maybe.

~~~

Connor regarded the handsome stranger anxiously, wishing he could respond to whatever he was saying or asking. He held up his hands in defeat and put a stop to the man’s vain efforts.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Italian, ehh… Inglese..” Okay, he knew some words, but not enough to create a comprehensive sentence. The man in front of him chuckled and he could see some form of glee coming from his eyes.

“Oh, so you’re British then” the man replied in a perfect American accent. Interesting. He found himself at a lost for words and so the mysterious man continued talking.

“I was saying that it’s a shame for such a pretty face to be looking all gloomy like this.” When Connor worked out what was said to him, his face turned the colour of a cherry. He didn’t know what was happening right now, it all seemed to surreal. He couldn’t move or speak, left to the mercy of the person who was now untying something from his wrist. Before he could react, the man took his arm and fastened an ethnic-looking bracelet around it. In that moment he knew that this day would become more than just another hollow memory. This would be something else, no matter if good or bad, he would accept it fully.

“This is a present to make you happier.” Yes, it was working already. “I’m Gavin by the way. What should I call you?” Gavin was still smiling at him, making his heart burst with appreciation. It wasn’t very difficult offering it back.

“Connor,” he mumbled softly, not used to having this kind of conversation and certainly not being ready for one. His mind still lagged behind, still stuck in the loop of detachment and isolation.

“Let’s go then, Connah.” He mocked the pronunciation of his name, how adorable. Connor was now being pulled by his arm somewhere else, hopefully better.

“What is a good-looking guy like yourself doing alone in a place like this?” The warm hand set him free and its owner was now walking next to him, giving him a peculiar look. Was he flirting with him? It was all too new and unfamiliar to him and he couldn’t be sure of anything, but he labelled it as a likely possibility. Strangely, it didn’t feel wrong or “icky” to him, quite the opposite – he felt flattered.

“What made you think I’m all alone?” When he properly tried it, talking with Gavin wasn’t as hard as he made himself believe. Could be the undefinable vibe he was giving. Something about him just made Connor forget all the bad that had occupied his brain not a moment ago.

“Come on, it was obvious to me even before you let yourself being abducted by me like this, without any question.” He had a point there. In that state, he would let himself be taken by anyone without a second thought. He didn’t really care what was the other man’s intentions. Anything would be better than the hell he was suffering before Gavin had found him.

“Yeah, you’re right. There was no one to come with me I guess.” Saying that made his heart hurt a little. He truly had no one in his life that would be willing to go anywhere, least on a vacation, with him.

“’s hard to believe, honestly. But a win for me.” Connor noticed how smooth his voice sounded and how he really enjoyed listening to it. He would go with this person anywhere, even to a dingy rape dungeon. The colours surrounding him somehow appeared brighter and the salty smell of the sea more intense. He could even hear the cries of the seagulls, something he hadn’t been able to notice before.

“You don’t really care where I’m taking you, do you? I could be a serial killer leading my newest victim to his death for all you know.” Gavin’s face got serious but it soon regained its boyish smile. He felt a light pat on his back for a split second. Everything so far told him that Gavin was the furthest from a serial killer he could be.

“Not really good serial killer then.” Oh god, now he was doing it too. “No, I don’t mind. It’s better this way.” Connor tried to sound playful, but something heavy was weighing his heart down, making the smile he gave him look all strained and wrong.

The truth was, at that moment, in that place, Connor would truly go anywhere with Gavin. Maybe with anyone. He yearned to finally live, even if it meant dying under suspicious circumstances somewhere in Italy. That would be fine. It would only prove that he did something real, making himself step out of the shell of comfortable unhappiness into the world of uncalculated experiences. He always planned out everything he did, everything but the most important event so far.

Gavin stayed silent for about a minute, creating an opportunity for Connor’s heart to fill with subtle dread and underlying sweetness. He had no idea where they were going as the crowds appeared to be slowly thinning, soon they would find themselves on a deserted street. Just the two of them in the world it seemed.

“So… what brings you here?” The thick silence got luckily interrupted by Gavin’s curiosity. Connor promptly decided not to lie to this person. He imagined it would feel wrong, subconsciously craving honesty. Every false fact spoken just added to his soul’s wrinkles. And his body’s too.

“Hmm, I guess I wanted to do something different, get out of the country and experience the real world!” He feigned enthusiasm and raised his arm to signify the supposed state of mind. “Or something like that. But… I think I just wanted to escape the dead-end life I got back home. Feel like a human being again. …. Plus I love the sea.” The words, they came naturally. He never was this open, not to his family, not to the friends that were rarely there, not to his shapeless lover. Gavin simply had an aura that invited him to spill out all of his deepest secrets to this perfect stranger, which he would gladly do. They’ve known each other for about ten minutes yet he felt like they were a pair of the oldest friends.

“I get it. My life isn’t exactly rainbows and roses either.” The pained smile was something Connor realized he didn’t want to ever see. It was vile and guiltily beautiful. But the real thing, nothing could match that.

So far it didn’t seem strange to him, all this curiosity, this budding feelings inside of him. He attributed them to his lonely self-destructiveness. But soon, he wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. Soon he’d find just how wrong he was about himself and would have to learn how to properly deal with it. But now he could still appreciate the newly-found company that was extinguishing the swelled up loneliness that was about to suffocate him had he not entered his life. It was starting to get warm.

“So um… you’re Italian then?” Connor felt stupid and akward asking that, but he just had to know.

“Technically. American-Italian more like. I’m just visiting my eh…, my family. I live in Detroit.” Gavin did look a tiny bit… exotic. Enough to be charming. He didn’t have the time or courage to fully observe him before. He hadn’t noticed his bleary grey eyes, the light stubble on his chin nor the mysterious scar across his nose. It all appeared raw and natural_. Alive_. He could appreciate how handsome the shorter man was… as another man. That wasn’t weird, surely other people did that too. Right.

“You’re from London?” Oh, now it was his turn to talk. Better try hard not to sound too uncharismatic.

“Yeah actually. I bloody hate it there.” He mumbled his response, ashamed of his real opinion but unable to hide it from Gavin. Is not that he hated the city or its people. He hated the version of himself living there. Without dreams, without hope, without love. Working day and night. Just like a machine. One that started rusting, because no one took a proper care of it.

Connor wanted to elaborate on it when out of nowhere an elderly couple emerged from behind a building. Clearly a pair of tourists, seemingly lost. An older gentleman wearing a funny baseball cap that had “I ♥ Italy” written on its front nodded and smiled at them politely, approaching them with desperate confidence. The lady who held her straw-hat that was about to be snatched by the warm summer wind was meekly lagging behind. The man started asking them something, which he couldn’t quite understand. Just then it occurred to him that they weren’t speaking English, but rather German. Oh, joy. Connor took the language in high-school and it would pester him all through the college. At first he just had loved the language in all its irony, but as time went on, the liking became more and more genuine. He still could speak fluently even after the flagrant negligence towards it. It got hammered to him pretty tightly.

So Connor right away took the initiative to use his language skill and started talking with the cute elderly couple. The woman who had now secured her hat on her head took the greying man’s hand, presumably to support the both of them. It was really sweet and Connor couldn’t help but stare at it as the man was asking him about the location of the so-called Venice Wheel. Obviously he had no idea - being as clueless at the two of them, so he turned to Gavin.  
When he had first spotted them, he had had the sudden urge to join them, to leave with them and abandon the man that had so randomly picked him up. It’s not that he felt to be in danger, or that the company was making him uncomfortable, it was more the dread of stepping somewhere to deep, somewhere he wouldn’t be able to swim out of. This didn’t feel like some run-of-the-mill forgettable encounter. It felt heavy and dense. The energy, the aura of the shorter man next to him was just too enticing to him. And that’s why he had wanted to run away before he… they got burned.

Not anymore. As he turned to Gavin, the look on his red tinted face, full of awe and adoration, the grey eyes sparkling with life, the slightly parted lips.... It drawn him in. So after few seconds that felt like all his summers had passed before him, he relayed the question of concern to him.

Connor managed to successfully describe the way there to them now, or so he hoped. It was all too dream-like, so unlikely and yet so real. The Earth could be shaking under his feet, he wouldn’t notice. He couldn’t see himself in those older tourists, not ever. He figured he’d perish young or turn to a bitter old geezer who screams at pigeons and feeds crumbs to children. But now, in this moment of being somewhere in between, a glimpse of that unlikely future barged into his mind. And how tempting it was just to steal the whole of it, but couldn’t for it was too out of his reach.

They were alone again, and Connor was glad. He didn’t want to think that Gavin’s intentions were even slightly similar to the ones he was still unaware of, and so he subdued the silly grin that was too out of his habit and just let them walk side by side, casually, and all too formally.

He wanted to breach the silence when his heart skipped. A smallest, most insignificant touch, akin to a breeze caressing his skin. A brush of fingers, nothing less, nothing more. It shouldn’t be anything, it shouldn’t have any meaning. So why he wanted it to go on forever. Just that. He could live with just that. _Stupid. Pathetic_. His head turned away in shame, so he didn’t see Gavin running towards something lying on the street. Soft whispers, not in English were stroking his ears. Connor was fondly watching that man talking to a large fluffy black cat, alluring <strike>him</strike> it with his Italian fluency.

“I have one like this at home.” Words meant for Connor no doubt. Gavin was now scratching its belly, so sweetly and lovingly, making him want to switch places with it. Choosing not to fight it, he crouched down to them, not daring a single touch.

He could get used to this – the warm smile, the soft humming, the peace spreading through him. A mistake he thought himself smart enough not to make. Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to have it here before the summer's over. no idea how long this is going to get but certainly not as much as to last till winter. I hope.  
Do I hate traveling alone, who knows.  
(oh and it's probably full of mistakes idk)
> 
> Enjoy the rest of the season and thank you for reading. <3
> 
> ps please don't think I speak Italian because I don't. not at all


	2. Gentle breeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get "dangerous" for these two idiot boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so maybe it won't be finished till the winter

The softness under his calloused palms was bad enough without having to endure the midsummer sun that was reluctant to show up and that infectious lopsided smile that was scorching him instead. Gavin let himself distract with the cute fur-ball long enough to prevent his body from self-combusting from all the heat forming inside. It was unlike him, being crazed by a total handsome stranger, who also happened to be beautiful on the inside - as far as he could tell. It might have as well been the most spontaneous thing he's ever done. Not that he hadn't picked up random guys before, he prided himself for being a "seduction master" (a title he would bestow upon himself exclusively under the influence of any mind-altering substance), but that tended to happen in grimy bars, spurred by lust and self-destructiveness. He never dared to take a close look at the "victim of the night", it was all meant to be perfectly shallow and therefore, safe. Not whatever this was. It happened during a time of utter vulnerability, desperation and a bout of reckless insanity. Some unseen force made him create this new issue of a relationship so new and fragile it could barely survive the day. Strangely, no regret made itself present, no alarms were blasting out. Walking side by side like that, talking about everything and nothing, then being surrounded by the blessed silence... it seemed right, it felt perfect. And that was an indescribably scary notion that Gavin was actively burying away deep inside the rarely accessed part of his mind, to dig it up many years later and anguish about how things could have been, because the concept of it was difficult enough to grasp. It was a lot of work and his stomach was sure to let him know that if it didn't get sustenance soon, it would make him cranky and no one would like that, least of all Gavin himself.

The feline had to have its fur rubbed out by the time the smooth voice of the man next to him breached the comfortable lack of any spoken word. 

"This suits you." Three words that didn't make any sense to him, his mind still clouded by stupor this ridiculous situation had created. He blinked several times as if that could dispel the heavy mist dancing about in his brain. 

Connor cleared his throat, likely starting to regret his unexpected statement. 

"I mean, you playing with a cat, it just eh... looks... nice." He could have seen the taller man changing colour were he not battling his own inner discrepancies. 

"Sorry, I... I don't know what I'm saying..." Notwithstanding the strange situation, he had to admit that if nothing, Connor was seriously cute (<strike>and hot</strike>). He didn't want him to apologize for something that made him so warm and fuzzy inside. Deep down he wanted him to go on and on. Without thinking it through, Gavin picked up the sweet furball and handed it to the wide-eyed man, who was doing his best not to drop it, finding the most adequate holding position so the cat could stop squirming in his arms (unlikely). Gavin made three short steps closer to them - witch each one becoming less and less confident and resolute, but still he was able to re-position the cat so they could be comfortable enough. Before giving Connor the opportunity to react, he backed away and quickly snapped a photo of the endearing scene in front of him. As soon as the image became frozen in time, the cat nimbly jumped down, freeing itself from Connor's hold. The man in question was left stunned for a good few seconds, the phone screen before his eyes bringing him back. 

"Suits you more." Gavin half-whispered, not sure if it was the right decision to continue with pretending that this meant something. It did. Even if it wasn't real, he would treasure it as a sweet dream, a mirage showing him everything he didn't deserve, all that he couldn't have. 

Maybe this wasn't real but the picture on his phone certainly was. He was tempted to set it as his wallpaper, the pain kept him from doing something so cruel to himself.

\----

Since he was forced to hold an actual living creature - a very unusual thing in his life - his hands started being quite... restless. He didn't know what to do with them - putting them in his pockets then right out to awkwardly fold them around himself, then grasping them behind his back and eventually just scratching everywhere that was appropriate. The summer breeze and the underlying smell of the sea was the only thing keeping him anything close to calm. The truth was though, he wasn't, the shorter man copying his footsteps next to him was the reason why. Everything he represented seemed to slip right out of his hands that were this full of unrest. He was like a ghost - untouchable and extremely scary. Something that shouldn't exist. Yet there were undeniably there, walking side by side like a couple of high-school sweethearts. It took a lot of courage to glance at his companion and he maybe wished he hadn't for his expression wasn't unlike his own. A bundle of flustered nervousness. How cute. 

Gavin had suggested going for lunch "or sumthin'" and so they were... heading somewhere. He left it all to him, just following the man fearlessly while melting all his doubts and suspicions along the way. He knew it was very mindless to trust this almost perfect stranger but he still did, despite all his better judgement. It was just easier, that was all. If something bad would happen to him, he would deserve it anyway. So might as well... 

"Hey!" Someone... no, Gavin pulled on his arm and lurched him forward in a sudden stop. Connor didn't realize that while he was lost in his thoughts his hand was furiously scratching his other arm. Gavin's eyes burned straight through his and so was the sore place on his forearm. The moment, the look, it swallowed him with its unfamiliar intensity. He wanted to say something, form some sort of excuse or apology but nothing left his parted lips. Instead, the other man inhaled deeply, getting ready to say something Connor would hopefully be able to handle. 

"Ah... here is an idea...," he started, his voice fragile and trembling. "A phcking stupid one." He mumbled to himself before voicing it out fully. 

"What if... what if we pretend that this is a date..." He sounded a little broken and a lot desperate. Refusing to meet Connor's eyes he appeared small and vulnerable, like a lost puppy. 

"Never mind, forget it.." 

"No!" Connor startled himself with his loud reaction. Was that really something he would be willing to do? Go on a fake date with another man that made something move inside of him? Yes. Yes, he definitely would. Anything to see Gavin's smile again. 

"If that's what you want, Gavin, let's do it." Speaking his name had many consequences, none of them he was able to face so he noted to refrain from it in the future. 

They resumed their journey while Connor was rubbing his face in order to get rid of that annoying blush that simply shone like a lighthouse at this point.

He was aware that it was partially his selfish desire that made him agree to this foolish escapade. The thing was he had never really experienced a proper date before and he pretty much doubted he ever would. This would be as close as he'd get to the real thing and that was enough to count. One thing to cross off his bucket list. 

Not one of them realized the absurdity they had thrown themselves in. 

"So uhm... what do you like to do?.. I mean when you're not getting picked up by strangers on the street and all.." Right, dates involved talking, usually. He could do this. 

"I... I like to bake." He said it as if he was confessing to murder. Connor didn't like to share his private life and hiis "girly hobbies" with anyone, in fear he'd get ridiculed. But he was committed to this... date,… thing. It felt both liberating and suffocating at the same time, having it out there. _Exposed, vulnerable. _

"Really?,... that kinda... fits you. Dunno, just a feeling." Oh. _Oh._ Okay, no jokes at his expense. He could dare to show the smallest of smiles then. Just to make sure. 

"It's nice that you have something like that. I don't really think I got something I’d put my best into. I try to spend my time working as much as I can..." Gavin words petted his mind. With clawed hands. But still, it was very pleasant. He tried to imagine teaching him his craft but he managed to cease it before it could take shape. Too dangerous. 

Their fingers brushed again, giving Connor a small heart attack. He had to remind himself that this was only an act and that Gavin was a man. He did it over and over again but it only made the fingers itch stronger. 

"So you maybe want to go grab something sweet?" Gavin didn't have to know he didn't really enjoy eating the things he baked. Actually, he didn't much liked eating, it was just another necessity keeping him from dying. But maybe it would be different when someone else was with him. 

"I'm okay with whatever you want." Well that sounded better in his mind. Before he could ruminate about his response further, he was being pulled by his wrist somewhere towards a snug looking building. They were in a lot more populated area now and Connor should feel self-conscious about this but he had a hard time picking up pace with his heart instead. It yearned for their hands to connect but he was running away from this undesired wish. 

Right as he was beginning to compose himself in this craziness, he was led through a front door of what looked like an abandoned cafe. Well, on second observation the room appeared neat and ready, but there was not a single soul inside. He wanted to voice his concerns to Gavin be the man started calling out in Italian, letting go of his arm, leaving him behind. 

In a few seconds a homely looking Italian man entered the dark room and immediately filled it with his loud words that Connor had no chance of understanding. He was glad, it sounded like it would be a bother. After trying not to drown in the avalanche of the foreign language, Gavin looked at him sheepishly and shrugged. Somehow emanating embarrassment and nonchalance at the same time. 

"Yeah, so, they're closed." Obviously. "But he offered us to stay anyway,... if you want." Panic settled in him when he pictured the two of them sitting in this dimly lit room void of any witnesses... anything could happen. No, he was far too careful and conventional to agree to something like this. As exciting as it sounded. He was not ready for... this sort of environment... with anyone. Besides, this was supposed to be his first date and he wanted... needed to do it right. With a heavy sigh, he shook his head slightly. 

"I'm sorry, can we just go somewhere else? Somewhere open, ideally?" He charmed the room with one his polite smiles, not knowing how much power it actually held. 

"Yeah, yeah, sure, no problem." Gavin didn't look disappointed or aggravated no... he was mostly red and... sweet, his face looked really handsome there in this place... oh wow, he really needed to stop this preposterous thinking before it turned into something substantial. 

He greeted the what he thought was the owner in English because he was overwhelmed to the point he had a hard time remembering his own name so conjuring up any Italian words was a big no-no right now. 

"Good luck on your date." He would cringe over the horrendous pronunciation if it wasn't for the content of this biting sentence. 

~~~

This was nice. He could certainly get used to it if he had a bit more of those self-destructive tendencies. 

After that embarrassing scene at the cafe - if wasn't a big deal really, but Gavin was over-sensitive at this time – they had found a cute cosy place that had just opened - they were the first customers too. Gavin thought it an ideal place for an occasion like this. The plank exterior was painted baby blue with a little creepily smiling fish engraved above the entrance. The colour of the building somehow matched Connor, in many ways. The whole place did. Quaint wooden furniture, gingham check tablecloths, pictures of not so attractive mermaids and most of all - flowers. Forget-me-nots specifically. They all exuded weak aroma lulling him into a false sense of certainty and hope, their blue colour calming his racing heart and mind. If nothing, he was sure that he'll remember this, as long as he lived. This moment in time was something he would never ruin. 

The two of them had sat down exactly 5 minutes ago but Gavin could swear it had been hours. Not one of them had spoken a single word and so they were stuck in this heady silence that was eating Gavin alive. He knew it was partly his own fault for making this perfect little pretend-date not so perfect. But he couldn't even look at the man, so talking to him was like a set of stairs for a crawling toddler. He would be able to climb them, eventually - after lots of tries and fails. And it wasn't like it was their first time talking. He hated how out of character Connor was making him to act. He had been convinced that there couldn't be anything he would fear. Yet here he was, senselessly scared about the simplest and most fundamental thing in the world. He should have stopped right when things had gotten too much, he shouldn't have noticed the lost man roaming the streets in the first place. But he was secretly thankful he had met Connor, for it was the best thing to happen to him... in longer time than he would care to admit to himself. 

"Thank you." A soft voice made him look up again to see two almost watery eyes regarding him with sincere gratitude. He had no idea how much this whole outing meant to Connor - probably more to him. He could practically smell the closet from his body. 

Gavin wanted to thank Connor too, for he proved to be a great distraction from all the other issues plaguing his mind. It felt awful just to think that way thouhg. He was a real living person that should be respected and treated with utmost care and shown every ounce of decency he had in himself, not being used as a tool for forgetting all the horrible stuff in his life. He wouldn't thank him for that because he wanted him to be more that what they were pretending to be. 

"My pleasure." His voice was scratchy and low, framed in meekness that was not welcomed by his stubborn, volatile brain. He fought it with all his might - the shyness and dread, resulting in him giving Connor the most puzzling look he'd most likely ever seen.

Luckily, the well-timed waiter made them snap out of this unravelling melodrama with his bold question of what they wanted to drink or eat. Gavin wasn't even entirely sure where they currently were let alone knowing what and if he liked to consume. He waved him off - almost politely, saying they'd need more time. _Time_. That was the one thing they didn't have. The thing he greedily wanted more of. He wanted this dream to never stop. He wanted to die here, surrounded by this surreal bliss. Wanting never got him anywhere. 

"So, we should probably..." Connor gestured to the menu lying haphazardly on the table, his perfect lips curled into tiny, tentative smile. Gavin caught himself staring at them thirstily. He prayed that he was the only one. 

"Yeah, kay." He grabbed the light-brown menu too hastily for his liking. He didn't wish to display any signs of being seriously nervous, because he wasn't. He was a tough guy not some weak little pansy. Right. 

"So, what's your go-to?" He asked the man who had his head buried in the menu, wiping the not nervous sweat from his forehead. It was starting to get hot. "Let me guess. It's something sweet. like you. You don't look like the type who likes meat, or do you?" He wanted for Connor to slap him right there, so he'd stop saying this kind of stupid shit out loud. 

"Maybe my choices would surprise you." Gavin could swear he had never been redder in his whole life. Well maybe that one time when he had been caught doing very inappropriate stuff while watching two naked men being way too friendly with each other. But he wouldn't remember it now lest he burst into flames. 

"But you're right, I do like sweet things." A small sadness coated his statement, followed by being assailed by his glassy eyes. He let them linger a little longer than was safe. 

"Let's have this thing!" Connor's demeanour changed from unreadable to unreadable with a dash of forced cheeriness. Gavin blinked like a hundred times before his puny brain could work out what was being shown to him. 

The menu was quite colourful on the inside, each meal being accompanied by a matching picture. Not that Gavin had paid any attention to that before now. But now, he was looking at a big ice-cream parfait bowl for two, making his mouth water. Not with hunger necessarily. He was just overwhelmed by the possible and imminent future of sharing something like this with his unearthly beautiful not-date. Would it cross some carefully placed line? Perhaps, but he couldn't and wouldn't care since the sheer prospect of this made the hair on his arms fully erect and his heart dance a self-loving fandango. 

"Okay, if you want to." Pushing the final decision on Connor, just in case. God, he wished he could will his face into changing back to its usual faded gray-olive mess. But at least he was matching the man sitting across from him. His frightening dream. 

~~~

He still couldn't believe his brazen audacity to ask or request something like that. It wasn't a calculated decision or a carefully thought out plan, no, that was his starved body making stupid choices for him. Connor never thought he could be spontaneous. After today, he would have to readjust his convictions. Nothing about this was safe and reversible, but he wasn't trying to think too hard about these facts. Everything about this place, about this moment just made him lose all of his sensibility and he was free to steal all those moments that didn't belong to him. 

He took out his phone and aimed it at Gavin, as if he could capture his soul that way. The scruffy man was so adorably uncomfortable it made his chest ache. He was eternally thankful for not being too self-conscious right now. He would have had to run away otherwise. 

"Smile." A whispered plea promptly answered. And was it a smile worth imprinting to his brain, saving it forever inside his phone. Never was he so infected, never had he seen a smile holding such power. 

"Revenge!" The mood was too much and he was compelled to get rid of the weight just so he could function properly again. 

Gavin cleared his throat, still sporting that dumb pretty smile. 

"Yeah, okay, that's fair." 

When the waiter bothered them once more, Connor knew he'd rather die than to be the one to place that order. So he was sending mental messages to Gavin, hoping he'd just understand and take it upon himself. He'd maybe feel bad about it if he wasn't drowning in embarrassment. Of course, Gavin did order it, because nothing could just appear with the sole purpose of pulling him out of this magic that he was not so sure how it had come to be in the first place. 

He wanted to say "thank you" and "sorry" at the same time so he'd opted to silence as not to jumble his words. There was enough discomfiture for one day. 

"Say, Connor, would you maybe.. um... consider giving me your number? I mean, if you'd be comfortable with that..." 

"Sure." His mouth responded before his brain had the chance to have a say in it. But he was glad it did because it would not have agreed with it, or so he reckoned. 

This was nothing to be taken lightly - it was reaching way deep in reality. If they had the means to contact each other even after this not-date was over, his life would turn upside down. He'd get hurt no matter what, because this was something he needed to keep forever. This moment in which the future didn't exist. This man who wanted to be with him, who was looking at him like he was more that the damaged human being he thought himself to be. This man who exposed a dusty hidden thing inside of him, one he didn't even know he possessed. He could believe that with this person, he could be truly alive.

He saved his contact number under "G", one letter symbolizing all the growing uncertainty towards this whole situation. When they were trying to play it safe, it still could be salvageable and he could come back to his life as if this was just a story he had read. Now it was all mangled and blurry and he didn't feel like he would be able to put his pieces back together after all this magic was ripped away from him. But as they were now, he felt safe and protected, like nothing could possibly make him hurt. Because nothing did. At that moment, all the ache that stuck to him through his life had dissipated, scared away by all the light Gavin blinded him with. 

Gavin, who had his head turned to the street next to this quaint little place, watching something with open intensity and concealed sadness. Connor could tell, because this look was usually his own. He mirrored him to see what was causing such an emotion in him. What would be cruel enough to be ruining this for <strike>him</strike> them. There were people running about their business as usual, happy looking tourists, street vendors trying to make living... Gavin was looking at what looked like a father and son strolling along with wide smiles decorating their tanned faces. 

"Sorry." He turned his head back to him, not pretending to smile. 

"I've lost my father very recently and..." he took a deep breath, "yeah that's why I came here."

This was getting too personal and he didn't find it weird that Gavin was oversharing. Somehow, it was very natural to listen to a revelation like this. It meant Gavin trusted him enough to share this with him. It was nice and terrible at the same time. He felt sorry for him but had no clue what was the right thing to do in a situation like this. If there was something like that. Luckily, Gavin was _shyly?_ eyeing the table, making him feel less under pressure. 

"We used to be pretty close when I was living here with my family back when I was a child." A sigh interrupted his speech. "But as I moved out of the country we just... fell out of touch and it never was the same.." Gavin lifted his gaze, making his heart speed up. 

"I wanted to tell you this, sorry if it's too much information..."

"No, it's okay, I'm glad you did." Connor just couldn't help himself when it came to Gavin. Words seemed to be forming on their own, spilling out effortlessly without the need to be filtered. 

"I'm sorry for your loss." A quiet words of consolation he knew would do nothing to make it go away, but that was the only thing he found acceptable at that moment. 

"Connor..." He had never heard his name spoken so gently, so fearfully. Two watery eyes pointed at him, making the old and rusty machinery in heart slowly work again. 

"I really like this... this... you. I want to make it real."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello  
I'm back!  
I finally found a schedule that would allow me to write a bit every day - a very interesting fact I know :D  
speaking about oversharing - I got picked up by a guy (in Italy) that didn't treat me right at all but I'm also self-destructive so I let him but I screamed and fought when he touched me inappropriately and I won, hehe... I am not that stupid xD  
Ok so the whole time I was thinking about turning this experience into a story, one that would be a complete opposite of what actually happened.  
(I mean he forced me to pay for his meal - 40 phcking euro!!!)  
I'll keep blessing you with too much information further, don't worry  
Have a nice autumn (I LOVE AUTUMN) !!!


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